Deeply ingrained beliefs that aren't actually true

This evening I went to a physics talk for non-physicists ("Einstein's Biggest Blunder: A Cosmic Mystery Story"). It was given by Professor Lawrence Krauss and fairly interesting. Opinionated as I am, I had a lot of reactions towards certain things he said, but one thing is sticking with me. He related how he wished that all students have the experience of having some cherished belief proved wrong. He believes that that opens minds and that greatest and most important advances in science share the characteristic of forcing us to throw out some deeply held belief.

I'm really not thinking of this in terms of science, what's rambling through my mind is interactions between people. How, many times our deeply held belief about a situation keeps us stuck in the same pattern. How, sometimes we just KNOW we are right and do not bother listening to the other person since of course we already know where they're coming from. Last summer around this time, I was reading Don't Be So Defensive by Sharon Ellison. I must have told everyone talked to about it. The main idea was that traditional methods of communication follow a war model and accelerate conflict. The author outlines Powerful Non-Defensive Communication, communication strategies to increase authentic exchange.

Earlier today, I somehow found myself on a post from early 2009 on the blog of someone whose self-described identities include South Asian, immigrant, and feminist. In it, she described how, during election season, she and others were worried that "blacks might feel that Obama is their savior, that there is hope in our current system because a black man is now at the helm." Starting there the group of communists approached Black activists "to find out how to alert blacks to the corporatist-capitalist nature of Obama’s presidency." Oy. My head is spinning from the condescension. Suffice it to say, they did not get the reception they had hoped. She goes on to write "[h]onest overtures are not wanted, apparently. Nor is it acceptable for whites to discuss problems being faced by minorities. "

Here's the thing: people do not appreciate being told that they should think what/how/when you think. If you go in somebody's house with an agenda on how they should redecorate, please don't be too surprised when you're told "don't let the door catch you on the way out."

People. I know this is difficult. Step one of communication: listen. I fall down at that point myself at times (I frequently revel in the delusion that I'm always right). Folk do what they do for a variety of reasons. Before you try to change someone, it might help to know what they think and why. People's motivations and thought processes are complicated so starting from a place of wanting to understand often helps.