Sunday, April 14, 2013

Inclusion and Exclusion on the Gender Binary

I confess I've never wanted to attend the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival. I thought about it briefly once and then learned there were group showers--I haven't had to deal with that experience since high school gym class and I was not about to sign up for it again. So this is from an outsider's perspective.

Apparently someone has a petition going to call for a musician boycott of the festival because the event is not trans-inclusive. The organizers are adamant that the festival is intentionally a space for "women born women."

I find this interesting for several reasons and there are several issues all tangled up:

Freedom of association (and not just as related to Congress)
On the one hand, I think people should be free to associate with whomever they like. Personally, if integration had required me to go to school with hostile people--or (say what?) send my precious child into such an environment--it would not have happened.  I have no desire to give my time, energy, or money to anyone who doesn't appreciate my humanity. There's a fiercely proud slice of my personality that believes that any space that doesn't welcome me, doesn't deserve me.

Freedom of speech (and not just as related to Congress)
At the same time, people should also be free to boycott or protest their exclusion, as they like. Particularly in cases when perhaps simply raising awareness of an issue would change how it's viewed. Until I read the organizer's letter on the topic, I hadn't known that trans women weren't considered "womyn" and part of the target audience of the festival.

"Women born women" as a Gender Identity
This idea is new to me. My gut reaction is that I was not born a woman, I was born female and I matured into my womanhood. Odd label aside, I'm not sure I'd consider this a "unique gender identity." And this is perhaps because these days I find myself in more spaces where the distinction is more likely to be femme/stud and not woman/man. So I now tend to think of gender expression as a huge component of gender identity and then I falter at how to read "women born women" other than as a way to tell trans women they are not "really" women who belong in women's spaces. Indeed many of the comments I read seemed very much related to the typical concerns that get trotted out in discussion of who gets to use what restroom.

Call it what it is
I wonder why the organization don't just rename the festival. Instead of saying it in footnotes (or actually: having the discussion in facebook pages outside of the main one), why not just call the festival Michigan Female-born Womyn's Music Festival? Then they could simply point to the sign and redirect those women who thought, as women, they might be long at the gathering. This would clarify: unless you were born with a vagina, this isn't your space. And then maybe supporters could stop attacking self-identified women,  calling them "men" and "he" and "him," simply because they want to participate in a so-called "women's event."

Privilege
I don't necessary have the highest levels of privilege and power in this society. But I am very aware of the privilege that comes with being cis-gendered/gender-conforming or whatever you want to call being born with a vagina and identifying as a "woman." Here's just a few:

  • No one has ever challenged my right to use the women's bathroom
  • I never had to think about when/if to reveal to anyone what genitalia I was born with or what genitalia I had. Or worry what would happen if they found out without my telling them.
  • No one (okay, no reasonable person) will consider my not conforming to feminine ideals/stereotypes as valid reason to consider me not a woman.
    • I can be rude/aggressive/just mean and no one is going to take that as proof that I'm not really a woman and am just proving my stored "male privilege."
  • New revelations of about what genitalia I have now/had a birth is not going to lead to the loss of my housing or employment.
Here's a long list of privileges.

While I think, as I wrote, that people are free to associate with whomever they like, if we want to be conscious and connected, it is important for us to think about we are excluding and why--particularly in cases in which we are in the position of power and privilege (however unusual that may feel for us).

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Thinking about Love

"You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free."-Thich Nhat Hanh

A friend of mine posted this quote on facebook. My immediate reaction was a confused "Hunh? How can one person's love be responsible for making another feel free???" I was very confused. A different friend attempted to explain it to me, using more paragraphs and the concrete examples that I need to understand things. She spoke of the need to love someone as he or she is, to take people as they are and not try to change them, and to support them in what they do. Ohhhh

That makes sense to me, though I would probably phrase it as "to love someone, first you have to accept they are free." I don't think it's possible to love someone without understanding their flaws, those quirks that make up who they are. And beyond the flaws are those things that are just different. Not flaws, but also not characteristics or choices or feelings that you would select for them. I tend to think of love as that space where you accept who a person is and still hold them closely in your heart.

But I also wonder what it would mean for my love to help a person feel free. What would that look like? Would that be my reaching out to help a person remove the barriers that pin them? Is this referring to a type of agape love, rooted in social justice? Is this about helping a person to open up with themselves and recognize their inherent beauty and power?